sadness

Rays & Mounds

You are here 

I point to my heart to make it clear 

But my finger shakes and wavers with fear 

Objects in the mirror may be closer than they appear 

You are a mirror, my mirror 

You keep coming nearer and nearer 

I am not lost but I can’t find myself 

Lost in you and having to remind myself 

It’s not a sure thing 

You love my song but it’s not the one you prefer to sing 

Insurmountable fear 

Rays of sunshine 

Mounds of joy 

Both peppered in 

But I always know in due time it gets dark again 

Thanks for everything but thanks for nothing 

I’m happy in the worst way possible 

Feeling invincible yet knowing I’m stoppable 

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MitchMaxington

It is hard to be without the ones you love 

Even if it’s for the better. 

Better late than never. 

But better never, if ever 

If it means we aren’t together. 

Where are you now ?

Everywhere ?

Nowhere ?

If I scream Marco, will a Polo appear ?

I miss you always then I miss you more 

I know that you’re gone

I just can’t be sure

I still text you. I snap you. I knock on your door.

This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for. 

Now revealing God and guest staring Max

I’m unaware it’s a dream and I cannot relax

But is it ? Where are you ?

Are you everywhere or nowhere ?

Is God even real ?

Do you just see it on my face or can you feel what I feel ?

Can you heal what I feel ?

My thoughts reveal a shield behind the steering wheel.

I just wanna see you one more time. 

I thought we had more time. 

Where are you ?

I don’t know. So I drive. 

I drive and I hope I crash and I hope I see you when I die. 

But your thoughts are a shield too so I don’t even try.

I just wish you were here. Where are you ???

Can you see me crying ?

Can you see me tryna grieve your dying ?

I don’t know how. 

I thought I did bc I’ve seen death before 

I’ve kissed death before but I’m not sure now 

It’s been a while 

Why does it still hurt like yesterday ? 

Why do I see flashes of your bloody boot on replay ?

Please God PLEASE just show me the way 

I want to be okay 

I mean I’m mostly okay 

And then I get alone 

And it’s hard and I start thinking and I stop blinking 

And I’m not sure if I should be on my own. 

Where are you ? Can you read this ?

Can you show me a sign on how to defeat this ?

On how I can at least tweak 

And not into life, speak it. 

Who can I blame ? 

I’m angry. At who ? 

I don’t know. At me and at you.  

Where are you ?

The Third – Series Part 12

I get my best from you and my worst from you 

We were all given the short end of the stick

It’s generational

You passed that stick to me even shorter

Because I was born wrong 

Wrong gender

Wrong timing 

Wrong name 

Inconvenient 

You even realized you had me with the wrong person 

You let us know at every turn 

That we ain’t good enough 

Maybe that’s where I learned to strive for men who are unavailable 

Maybe I have daddy issues even tho my daddy was there the whole time 

I never told you this but

I’m not even mad at what you did to me

I was scared

Who’s ever seen such a tiny body hurt so badly ?

What if I didn’t make it

You taught me mental illness even though I couldn’t understand it yet 

You taught me what it means to be black in America 

You taught me capitalism at its finest 

You taught me how to point out flawed systems

Spoiler alert: it’s all of them 

You taught me what value is 

You also taught me paranoia 

You taught me how to endure abuse and still smile 

You taught me that God will ignore my prayers 

You taught me that I’m not worth time, only expensive things 

You taught me oxymorons 

Did you know I find myself going for broke boys because money ain’t never did shit for me ? 

Not really.

It only taught me what’s real and what isn’t. 

Money doesn’t fix the emotional scars from a Tasmanian like ass whoopin 

Money doesn’t stop alcoholism that leads to violence and makes me run like a chicken with its head cut off to hide all the weapons I could find before tucking myself quietly in a cabinet.

Money doesn’t cure cptsd

Money didn’t stop your son from…

Maybe I’ve said too much

Maybe I’m a little angry 

  • Not Jesse Jr